Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
