Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
