it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
