Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
