I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
