eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
