I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
