Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
