If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
