took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
