when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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