Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
