Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
