i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
