Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
