was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
