Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
