he puts the penis in happiness.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
