If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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