Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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