That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize