I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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