i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
