A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
