I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
