Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
