that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
