why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
