The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
