Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
