I need to stop coming to work sober
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize