I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
are you so shy because you have an std?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
