guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
