There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You are the jesus of drinking
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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