dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
