I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
