That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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