the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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