Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
