why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
