I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I think your dad took our porno
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
