she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
