I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
