The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
