awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
