I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
