I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
