I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
