what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
did i walk over a car last night?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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