I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
