i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
