Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
