when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
