i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
