just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
