Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
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