i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Randomize
