is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Found your dick twin last night
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
