He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
