I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
