when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
