yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
