You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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