What did we do last night that was yellow?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
