I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
