cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
