Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
