I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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