he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
