Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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