my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
It's like God shit irony all over that family
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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