Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
