Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
