Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
