she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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