Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
