People with herpes should wear stickers.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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