Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
