i permit you to call me
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
