I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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