Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
