Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
