you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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