Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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