12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
