i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
