Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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