Apparently you make a good broom.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
porn star boner night. come get it.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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