My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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