I wannas sexs uuuuu
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
