was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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