There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
