Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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