I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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