what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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