when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
