Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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