handjob tips. give me some.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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