Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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