just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
