I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
