thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
