I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
