I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
