Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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