we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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